The Power of Choice.

I've had lots of people ask why I would choose to give birth at home. "Isn't that scary??" "Oh wow you're so brave." "With out drugs!!??" I've gotten many strange looks and eye rolls. And this is the response to all those who think home birth is "weird." :)

I truly believe every woman has the choice to give birth how and where she pleases. And I do think every mom birth and baby are different. But it really should be about making a truly  informed choice. Not only for you but for your child who is unable to convey how it wants to be brought into the world.

I had just turned 17 when I became pregnant. I was fearful. I sat in the tiny room in my local clinic all alone. The woman handed me my list of options and I didn’t even think twice about the choice I made. I saw the name of a CPM and the name of her practice and I knew that’s what I wanted. That is the first choice I made for my child. I didn’t know even close to half of what I know now. I didn’t know anything about midwifery and I didn’t know anything about obstetrics. I did know that having drugs was something I didn’t want for myself or my child. Just the word “drug” made it sound incredibly unappealing. I thought to myself ~ why would I want to do drugs?? Why would I want to be drugged?? I knew what that word was. It’s a word that comes with lots of negativity. Side effects. And a loss of control.~ this was not something I wanted to feel on the day I brought my child into the world. I didn’t know the word intervention or it’s meaning. I didn’t know what pitocin or induction was. I just knew a hospital was something I feared.

The decisions I made weren’t really informed it was all intuition. I said no to tests and ultrasounds not because I knew the risks but because it didn’t feel necessary. Looking back on the experience now it’s a humbling feeling to know that I did what I thought was best for me and for my baby all on my own.

I gave birth to an 8lb 5oz beautiful baby boy in a large jacuzzi tub after laboring for 36 hours. He was born in an incredibly amazing birth center that was built onto my CPM’s farm house. I saw everything. I pulled my child out of my body with my own hands. Every drop of blood was beautiful. The goo and muck covering his body was beautiful. The placenta was beautiful. I felt so wonderful. That was the high I wanted. Not a medical high. A hormonal high. High on love. I had created this creature, this perfect little being. I went through so much to have him and it could not have been more rewarding. I went to the moon. I went to the stars. I felt strong. I felt like I had all the power of the earth in my arms. If I could do that I could do anything.

The birth of my second child was completely different. I knew I wanted a home birth. I was confident. Then I was diagnosed with an SCH ( blood clot that forms between the placenta and uterus that can become dangerous.) after the ultrasound that diagnosed this the OB recommended I stay on strict bed rest and to get regular ultrasounds. Like before I had an instinct. An instant reaction. I calmly said (to myself out of fear of a negative reaction.) “I appreciate your advice but I’m going to ignore your advice and trust this body and this baby.”  I trusted my body and the baby inside of me completely. I continued on my home birth journey.

The day I went into labor my husband son and I spent the entire day in our home. During the morning hours we played games. Relaxed. Watched movies. I even made lunch while having contractions 5 minutes apart. I lounged in the bath tub most of the afternoon listening to soft music. My husband fed me jello, Popsicles, grapes, strawberries and kept me hydrated with lots of water and Gatorade. My son poured warm water over my large pregnant belly. When I would moan he’d say “is baby ok mommy??” and I would reply “yes honey the baby is excited to join us.” I got out of the tub and settled into bed to wait for my midwife and the birth assistant (both of them arrived 30 minutes before i began pushing) once she arrived my midwife touched me once to check my cervix. I was 10cm. I asked her to do so. I got in the pool pushed once and my waters broke. Pushed again and the head began to crown. 2 more pushes and I pulled my 6lb 11oz baby girl out of my body. I climbed into the bed she was conceived in and let her crawl from my mid chest to my breast. That was the first choice she ever made. I watched the placenta emerge from my body and smiled. That was the life source of my child. It nourished my baby. I took prints of it and smile every time I see that beautiful bloody art piece.

Yes home birth is not for everybody. But it was meant for me. It was my calling. It was a lovely gift I gave to myself and my children. They were welcomed home with their first breath. I don’t care if this sounds braggy but I feel so strong. So empowered. So amazingly confident. So at peace. I did something most women would never consider doing. And I am proud. Proud of myself. Proud of all the women who have done this. Unmedicated Uninterrupted birth. My body is a tool for creating. A tool for giving. I felt every single moment. I know that I can say I experienced birth and I’ll brag about it all I want. It is something to brag about.

We all have rights. We all make different choices. And most of us are at peace with our choices. Yes the end result is always the same. A baby. But knowing I enjoyed every single step leading up to that door makes me feel so pleased and so humble. I love home birth!!


**noriamae**