Look out it's Intactzilla!!

When reading this keep in mind that I'm not judging anybody who made the opposite choice I did. That's not what intactivism is. I'm not attacking your choice nor am I saying you made the wrong choice. I speak out against routine infant male circumcision to inform others, share the facts on the subject, and maybe start a conversation. How you choose to approach the conversation makes a difference. This is something positive not negative. For every 1 person I offend I hope there will be 1 that relates.

"Each time a person stands up for an idea, or acts to improve the lot of others, or strikes out against injustice, he sends forth a tiny ripple of hope, and crossing each other from a million different centers of energy and daring, those ripples build a current that can sweep down the mightiest walls of oppression and resistance."
--Robert F. Kennedy

It's about the choice. I feel that every choice I have to make for one of my children should be a truly informed choice. Since they can't make these decisions for themselves it's our responsibility as parents to know the risks and benefits of each one. From what I feed them to where they'll go to school. I must be confident in my choices so they will be confident in theirs. Yes I may have to make a choice for them that they will dislike but that's part of my job. If I'm a strong person my children will be also. If I show them how much confidence I have in myself they will be confident people. I have hopes that both my children will be thankful for every choice I've had to make. I want them to be the owners of their bodies and their minds. To not conform to others standards. To have their own opinions and standards. My son might not like the choice I made for him. Maybe someday he'll want to be circumcised. I am so glad that I am giving him control over his body. It's his. I made it. I care for it. But it belongs to him.

"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They came through you but not from you. And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you."
--Kahlil Gibran

Circumcision was practiced as a religious ceremony for hundreds of years, only in the last century has it become a commonly practiced medical procedure. To do it because it's part of your religion or a strong spiritual belief more power to you. I am not religious. I have faith in allot of things but no amount of faith would lead to me to harm another willingly. That's just me. Differences make the world what it is. I've explained to my son why his penis is different than his step dads. Because we are all different. I want my child to be unique. An individual. Small parenting choices that he doesn't like will come in and out of his life allot. And he may not like the outcome of my choices. But I have no right to dictate what he does with his body. You want a mohawk?? Sure. Rock on. You want to walk around with a mustache drawn on?? Giddy up partner. I have taught him that his penis is a part of his body just like any other part. It's not a pee pee. It's not a wee wee. It's not the private part. All his parts are private. I expect him to protect each part of his body eyes, nose, toes, knees they're all his to care for. Circumcision became popular when it was marketed as a way to stop boys from masturbating. Same as female genital mutilation. Maybe it's my inner feminist, or the fact that I'm patriotic, my opinion is this freedom belongs to me it is mine. The freedom to touch my body belongs to me. I don't want others to feel like I think they harmed their children if they had it done. Because I don't. I have no place to pass judgement. I am aware that this might close minds but I know it may open some. Do I care what you decide to do to your sons penis?? No I don't. Do I think it's important for every child to care about every part of their body?? Yes I do. This is our future. This boy. He is my namesake. Let me empower him from birth till he is grown so he will be a strong man, father, leader, and person.

"As long as people believe in absurdities they will continue to commit atrocities."
--Voltaire

How did I become an intactivist?? My sister and I were both pregnant with our sons. I asked her about circumcision, she gave me some research on it I read it. I asked my midwife her opinion. She said "it's not necessary," that's all it took. There were no judging words said. No argument. I knew he didn't need it done it was that simple. It wasn't until people started questioning me in a negative way as to why I didn't, that I became more passionate about educating people on the subject. It's become such a norm. There may be cases where it's medically necessary but I don't think my child should endure painful surgery just because someday that part might get infected. Those cases are so few and far between. I am American. You'll be damned if you see me letting somebody take any part of me or mine for a profit. It's big business. Big dollars. It's become so taboo you can't even talk openly about it with some people. This is a basic human right I'm talking about. Taking away the consent of a child. It's sad that it's become a topic that can't be talked about with out stepping on toes.

"Often the less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it."
--Mark Twain

I'm tired of my intactivism being mistaken for being a fear mongerer. I share my views on tough subjects to educate and inform others. I'll continue to do so. I'll hand out informative cards at the grocery store. I'll wear my his body his choice bracelet where ever I go. I'll give out more cards to moms on Halloween. I'll write the same facts in sidewalk chalk in front of my home. I'll post informative links to articles on my social networking sites. If I can help somebody make this difficult choice easier by writing this than I'll deal with any negativity that may come from writing it. I'll do all these things knowing I'm not doing it to bash or put down others. If somebody chooses to be offended that's their choice. If somebody chooses to think I'm bat shit fucking bananas coo coo for sharing my views that's their choice. I know where my heart is. That my intentions are good. Life is a series of choices and decisions. I'll make mine. You make yours. I'll respect yours. Please respect mine.

"As the body is prior in order of generation to the soul, so the irrational is prior to the rational. The proof is that anger and wishing and desire are implanted in children from their very birth, but reason and understanding are developed as they grow older. Wherefore, the care of the body ought to precede that of the soul, and the training of the appetitive part should follow; none the less our care of it must be for the sake of the reason, and our care of the body for the sake of the soul."
--Aristotle


Facts:
--No medical organization in the world, not even the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends infant male circumcision.
--It only takes 2.3 ounces of blood loss for a newborn to die. 117 baby boys in America die each year from the surgery and more have complications.
--It's easier to care for an intact penis than to care for a circumcised penis. Only clean what is seen. No gauze. No cream. No pulling back the foreskin.
--The male foreskin has more compacted nerve endings than anywhere else on the body. It's not just a piece of skin.

But the most important fact is:
I love all my friends and their children. They are all beautiful. They are all important to me. I respect all of them and their choices.

Bluer than velvet was the night.

I think every mood should have a color. Awareness. Blue seems to fit mine so damn well. I am in no way a parallel person. One side is always a little off. Below every head stone there is a grave and inside every grave there is a coffin and inside every coffin there is a love one lost. And in death you find true love. You can't have one with out the other. And when everything is so dark right now the light will always come. Sense isn't something that can be made. My security is clearly visible. Broke my own heart into 2 pieces. You have to know there is nothing I would not do for you. We always have a reason not an excuse for everything. Reasons can't be made either they are just there. Love me true?? I have so much to not offer. All the unimportant moments are the most memorable. Just moments. If you love something and it just let's you go then comes back commit to it. If you are complete then become empty there is a reason. Appreciation. Trust. If you have faith good things will come. A life is the most valuable thing on earth don't take it for granted.

Madalynn Janel Everill is 1!!

On this day one full year ago we welcomed our sweet surprise baby girl into our home. I labored for 26 hours, pushed 3 times and she weighed 6lbs and 11oz. It's hard to believe it's already been a year since that day. I'll never forget the moment Daddy touched her, then looked at me with pure love tears in his eyes and said "it's a girl" <3 that first day of her life was one of the best days of mine. I remember laying in bed that day, Daddy and I just stared in amazement at this perfect little princess we made. I was beyond thrilled to have a little girl (I was thinking it was a boy) she was absolutely beautiful. Perfect skin. Perfect face. Perfect nurser. Perfect sleeper. Just pure perfection.

I grew up with out a father... That night I laid in bed alone with her while Daddy and Killian were out buying anything and everything pink, I looked at this innocent baby angel, I knew right then that this little girl was going to have everything I always wanted. A strong positive family life. A good Daddy. Love.

A birthday is so much more to me than just a celebration of another year of life, it's the day I gave birth to her. The day that I rode those waves of contractions. It's the day I worked extremely hard to bring her onto this earth. The day I did anything and everything to protect her. Just like I'll do foreverill. I sacrificed my body. I endured intense surges of pain for 12 hours with no pain relief, for her. That day changed me. I gave birth to her at home so we could all thoroughly enjoy her and that day. I look at her now in complete aw. She really is the sweetest little girl I've ever known. We have been so incredibly blessed. This little baby girl has been a joy to take care of. Sleeps well. Nurses like a champion. Smiles and laughs all the time. In the last year I've heard her cry out of frustration maybe twice. In the last week I've noticed her growth and development go high speed. A week ago she started crawling. A week ago she learned to clap. A week ago she started giving real kisses. In this last week I've noticed that she is in fact 1 year old. She talks more and has developed a new attitude. Her personality has become much more noticeable. And she sure does have a big personality!!

I love my daughter so much it can't be put in words. This last year has been truly the best of my life because Madalynn has been in it. I have so many aspirations for her. Such high hopes. I've really enjoyed being her mother. She brightens any dark day. When I look into her big brown eyes my heart melts. When I stroke her soft curly blonde hair my soul smiles.

Madalynn Janel Everill you are so loved. Thank you for coming into our lives. Thank you for being the sweet little girl that you are. Thank you for being my daughter. Thank you for being you. You are something special. I look forward to many more celebrations of your life. I am going to raise you right and give you everything I never had. I love you so much baby girl!! Happy 1st Birthday Shmaddy!!

Dear Gary.

I thought of starting this off by saying dear dad but that just doesn't feel right. To the man who helped create me but not raise me. To the father I had. To the father that I'll never know. To the parent that can't enjoy his blessings. To the grandfather that'll never bounce his grandkids on his knee. Those are ways I could start this. More than anything I'd love to call you daddy but I just can't because I haven't spoken those words in reference to you in 17 years. How could I call you that. You haven't been my daddy. I watch my children grow and learn. I have so many hopes and aspirations for them. Their lives are my reason for living. Just the thought of leaving them alone brings out my inner child. I will never leave them. Sometimes I look at them and wonder how a person could ever abandon their child. There's millions of children growing up with out a father. Am I special?? That's my biggest question in life. When you took your life I hope you really thought about the impact it would have on your children. But you must not have because here I am... Fatherless. I was a five year old wide eyed innocent child. I feel my life didn't matter to you. I didn't matter. All my life I've only heard stories of you. I have a few choice memories to cherish. The smell of bondo. The chew ring on the back of your wranglers. Watching star wars on the living room floor mimicking your exact position. Finding my brothers and sister huddled in a ball crying while my mom spoke to the police after my big sister found you lifeless on my big brothers birthday. You didn't just take your life. You took Cassandra's chance of a normal childhood she had to grow up so fast. You took Zelan's chance of a strong lifelong father son bond. You took Tyler's innocence away I'm sure he needed you to teach him so much. You took away my chance of a normal relationship with a man. You took Dedreanna's chance of raising a family not just 4 young children. These people who loved you. You left them. My mom did her very best but you left her with 4 children and a boat load of emotional baggage. We watched her try. Fail. Try. Fail. Lie. Lie. Lie. Provide. Cry. Try. Fail. Love. She did it all out of love. She did anything and everything she could to keep us whole. But she couldn't be your role. From what I've heard which may be false because I didn't know you, you wouldn't have been the kind of father I've always dreamed you were. The fighting. Drugs. Alcohol. Whatever your demons were I couldn't have fought them with my smile and big brown eyes. Because of you I'm constantly seeking approval and affection from men. The way I was raised did some serious damage to my way of thinking and I had no morals. I love my mother dearly. With the strongest part of my soul. She tried her very hardest but never provided guidance or rules or discipline. My mother turned her broken heart into an open heart. Providing love shelter and compassion for not only her children but others. But she wasn't you and could never be. You couldn't be you. How could any of us even try to fill that role?? It didn't exist. I've lived with the fear of being left. I know you loved me very much because it's a love that can't be defined. Pure love. The love you have for a child. I'm going to love my children. Keep them safe. Raise them. Show them praise. Instill discipline. Teach them morals. This letter is saying my peace. Accepting it grieving and moving on. I wish I could know you. See your face. Hear your voice. Your children are amazing people so I'm sure you were pretty cool yourself. Too bad you can not tell me why you did what you did. Why your life wasn't worth living. I get down sometimes and think of you. Your grandchildren are beautiful and I wish you could hold them. Like I've always wished you'd hold me. I love you. Thanks for giving me life. I am going to live it. Rest in peace.

10 things I love to hate about Facebook.

Here are ten things that drive me crazy about social networking.

1) When people say "good morning Facebook" or "good night Facebook." I mean I get it I guess, if you spent the whole day online it's only natural to bid it a proper fair well. I check my daughters diaper for crap all day long but that doesn't mean I'm gonna tuck it in, read it a story and say good night to it.

2) I get bothered by the Facebook users that get bothered by me posting several things a day. This is also usually the person who knows everything about everything you've posted but never posts anything themselves. Every time I log in to check what everybody is up to I post something. Facebook makes it easy to be part of each others lives with out having to actually be there. But there are many people who forget what reality is like. Be careful. Posting too often might make somebody think you have no life, which brings me to my next point...

3) I am always hearing or seeing somebody saying that "so in so" has no life because they're always on Facebook. That's just plain stupid. They would most likely be doing the same exact things they normally do if there was no Internet you just wouldn't know about it!!

4) I can not stand when people say "your" when they mean "you're" seriously it's not that difficult to add a symbol and a letter. But if that really is your cute, like it belongs to you and that's what you meant, my bad. Please stop saying you're going "too" the grocery store. Yes we all done did grown up in Oregon but y'all make the rest of us Taft High Alum look dummer when you ain't use you're grammar correctly.

5) I hate seeing people throw themselves Facebook pity parties. Posting things like "fml" constantly is just inviting people to your I feel so sorry for myself event. I've been known to post a moody pity party status myself but I am talking about the people who do it daily. Cry me a river. Build a bridge. Don't post it on Facebook.

6) I love how I can run into somebody I haven't seen or spoken to in years, that is not on my friends list and this person just happens to know everything I've been up to. I know by having an account I am welcoming everyone into my bizz. It just amazes me how my posts and information fly through so many mouths. I'm really not that cool. My life is not that exciting. If you think it's worth talking about than I can't stop you. I'm going to start posting things like "I'm pregnant" and see how many people I don't speak to 3000 miles away hear about it. Facebook is the new high school cafeteria.

7) I hate how social networking sometimes turns me into an attention starved 5 year old. Like me!! Like me!! Oh yay they like what I say!! I'm not in denial. I'm a ho for "likes" :)

8) Application invites. Enough said.

9) I hate how some people TYpE lIkE THis. IT tAKEs So MucH TimE aNd EffOrt tO LooK lIKe yOU tyPEd yoUR stAtuS WitH YOUr AsS. Please stop or go back to myspace.

10) I love that I spent my morning hours before the baby woke up writing this blog. I could have gotten a real shower maybe ate some food with out being interrupted. Instead I drank my coffee did my morning fb life stalking and wrote a blog. Now I'm gonna go post it on Facebook!!

If you got offended by this you are probably guilty of more than one of these things that annoy me :)

The Power of Choice.

I've had lots of people ask why I would choose to give birth at home. "Isn't that scary??" "Oh wow you're so brave." "With out drugs!!??" I've gotten many strange looks and eye rolls. And this is the response to all those who think home birth is "weird." :)

I truly believe every woman has the choice to give birth how and where she pleases. And I do think every mom birth and baby are different. But it really should be about making a truly  informed choice. Not only for you but for your child who is unable to convey how it wants to be brought into the world.

I had just turned 17 when I became pregnant. I was fearful. I sat in the tiny room in my local clinic all alone. The woman handed me my list of options and I didn’t even think twice about the choice I made. I saw the name of a CPM and the name of her practice and I knew that’s what I wanted. That is the first choice I made for my child. I didn’t know even close to half of what I know now. I didn’t know anything about midwifery and I didn’t know anything about obstetrics. I did know that having drugs was something I didn’t want for myself or my child. Just the word “drug” made it sound incredibly unappealing. I thought to myself ~ why would I want to do drugs?? Why would I want to be drugged?? I knew what that word was. It’s a word that comes with lots of negativity. Side effects. And a loss of control.~ this was not something I wanted to feel on the day I brought my child into the world. I didn’t know the word intervention or it’s meaning. I didn’t know what pitocin or induction was. I just knew a hospital was something I feared.

The decisions I made weren’t really informed it was all intuition. I said no to tests and ultrasounds not because I knew the risks but because it didn’t feel necessary. Looking back on the experience now it’s a humbling feeling to know that I did what I thought was best for me and for my baby all on my own.

I gave birth to an 8lb 5oz beautiful baby boy in a large jacuzzi tub after laboring for 36 hours. He was born in an incredibly amazing birth center that was built onto my CPM’s farm house. I saw everything. I pulled my child out of my body with my own hands. Every drop of blood was beautiful. The goo and muck covering his body was beautiful. The placenta was beautiful. I felt so wonderful. That was the high I wanted. Not a medical high. A hormonal high. High on love. I had created this creature, this perfect little being. I went through so much to have him and it could not have been more rewarding. I went to the moon. I went to the stars. I felt strong. I felt like I had all the power of the earth in my arms. If I could do that I could do anything.

The birth of my second child was completely different. I knew I wanted a home birth. I was confident. Then I was diagnosed with an SCH ( blood clot that forms between the placenta and uterus that can become dangerous.) after the ultrasound that diagnosed this the OB recommended I stay on strict bed rest and to get regular ultrasounds. Like before I had an instinct. An instant reaction. I calmly said (to myself out of fear of a negative reaction.) “I appreciate your advice but I’m going to ignore your advice and trust this body and this baby.”  I trusted my body and the baby inside of me completely. I continued on my home birth journey.

The day I went into labor my husband son and I spent the entire day in our home. During the morning hours we played games. Relaxed. Watched movies. I even made lunch while having contractions 5 minutes apart. I lounged in the bath tub most of the afternoon listening to soft music. My husband fed me jello, Popsicles, grapes, strawberries and kept me hydrated with lots of water and Gatorade. My son poured warm water over my large pregnant belly. When I would moan he’d say “is baby ok mommy??” and I would reply “yes honey the baby is excited to join us.” I got out of the tub and settled into bed to wait for my midwife and the birth assistant (both of them arrived 30 minutes before i began pushing) once she arrived my midwife touched me once to check my cervix. I was 10cm. I asked her to do so. I got in the pool pushed once and my waters broke. Pushed again and the head began to crown. 2 more pushes and I pulled my 6lb 11oz baby girl out of my body. I climbed into the bed she was conceived in and let her crawl from my mid chest to my breast. That was the first choice she ever made. I watched the placenta emerge from my body and smiled. That was the life source of my child. It nourished my baby. I took prints of it and smile every time I see that beautiful bloody art piece.

Yes home birth is not for everybody. But it was meant for me. It was my calling. It was a lovely gift I gave to myself and my children. They were welcomed home with their first breath. I don’t care if this sounds braggy but I feel so strong. So empowered. So amazingly confident. So at peace. I did something most women would never consider doing. And I am proud. Proud of myself. Proud of all the women who have done this. Unmedicated Uninterrupted birth. My body is a tool for creating. A tool for giving. I felt every single moment. I know that I can say I experienced birth and I’ll brag about it all I want. It is something to brag about.

We all have rights. We all make different choices. And most of us are at peace with our choices. Yes the end result is always the same. A baby. But knowing I enjoyed every single step leading up to that door makes me feel so pleased and so humble. I love home birth!!


**noriamae**